


The Signs According to Gravity Falls [Vid]

by findmeinthealps



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Crack, Fanvids, Gen, Horoscope, Sort Of, Video Format: Streaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2019-08-27 07:15:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16697857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/findmeinthealps/pseuds/findmeinthealps
Summary: Wanna find out what the stars have in store for you this year? Let a dorito demon tell you!





	The Signs According to Gravity Falls [Vid]

**Author's Note:**

> Song: “Your Horoscope for Today” by Weird Al Yankovic  
> Runtime: 2:45 (YouTube Version) | 2:55 (Tumblr Version)  
> Note: I orginially made this without a proper ending. Couldn't change the yt version so it's still short and ends abruptly. Watch on Tumblr for a better experience. Chorus is edited down in both versions.
> 
> [Tumblr](http://findmeinthealps.tumblr.com/post/136425104168) | [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN8VJsNxLPc)

Lyrics:

Aquarius  
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus  
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day  
  
Pisces  
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus  
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say  
  
Aries  
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon  
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep  
  
Taurus  
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?  
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
Gemini  
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence  
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancée hurls a javelin through your chest  
  
Cancer  
The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud  
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test  
  
Leo  
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no  
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik  
  
Virgo  
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you  
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely  
that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have  
a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you  
but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions  
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have  
to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true  
  
Where was I?  
  
Libra  
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you  
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week  
  
Scorpio  
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window  
Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak  
  
Sagittarius  
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)  
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den  
  
Capricorn  
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying  
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
That's your horoscope for today


End file.
